In the last three weeks, I’ve slept more than 4 hours only twice. Holy shit but sleep deprivation is the best birth control ever, even better than Vibram FiveFingers. OK wait. Having a teenager is the best birth control ever. But I digress.
Sleep deprivation isn’t sidelining me from life, necessarily but it makes everything I do really, really hard.I get these little reminders from my google calendar: laundry, 9:00. Morning routine, 8:30 (it has a list of tasks broken down by minute. make tea, 4 minutes. wash face, 3 minutes) quiet time, 1:30.
What happens to me is that I get the reminder, and I know I need to do laundry, but I just can’t figure out how to get in there and face the hamper that has to be hauled to the laundry room that has recently been half rearranged and is in shambles. Laundry turns into a Project after that, and I’m not equipped for a Project. Lucklily this is a first world problem and we as a household could go several weeks without doing laundry (and have!).
Here’s what’s different for me right now. This is where I am. This is what my life looks like. A few weeks ago, my life looked organized and I rocked the housekeeping and the child rearing. That was really cool and rewarding and empowering. This week is a struggle.
It’s possible that I’m cycling back toward mania, which in my case is less productive and more impossibly bitchy and paralyzed with bitchiness and lack of focus. It’ll be OK; I’ll see my guy, and we’ll talk about it, and figure things out.
In the meantime, we white knuckle through some shit. No one WANTS to have to white knuckle through some shit, but sometimes that’s how it is. Life is just life.
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