because I’m Twelve

I signed up for text message weather alerts No, really! During hurricane season they make sense. It’s just that the rest of the time you get things like “TWC alerts: the wind is blowing” or “TWC alerts: watch for mud puddles”

Tonight I got one that warns of a Hard Freeze. I can’t even actually think of an off color joke about hard freezes, but for some reason the phrase Hard Freeze cracks me up.

I get inebriated from 2 glasses of wine (hi, six mimosas on Christmas day!), I laugh at farts, and I think Hard Freeze is hysterical. Inlaws: Aren’t you so glad I married your son/brother/cousin/friend?

• I know you’ve been dying to hear the glasses story
• buried under the weather
• thrifty decorating porn
• the end of the year