this is the sound of the bottom dropping out

I I have a peculiar brand of mental illness. I suppose all mental illness is peculiar when you reallly think about it. It’s such a simple thing, just an imbalance of brain chemistry that causes an emotional respose and yet….I get caught up in the purpose of it. What’s the point? The brain is such en efficient machine. Is there a method to my madness?

Today for no reason other than that I have a case of the Mondays I my brain and body have shut down, in unison. Guilt has me flogging myself over my weekend of alcohol and junk food. Maybe you kicked yourself into a seratonin deficit by fucking with my hormones, I tell myself. It’s all your fault.

Whatever the cause, it’s there and I am humbled, reminded. Grateful to have a partner. Frustrated not to have a doctor.

For the first time in months I didn’t laugh when someone farted out loud. That’s how we know it’s serious.

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