Well. 12 hours ago my family drove off to Asheville without me. I physically ache for my kids. At the same time I’m almost ashamed to confess that there are moments when I want this life back. On the drive home tonight I was trying to remember what I used to do at night when I was alone. What was my bedtime routine? How did I fall asleep each night? Was I lonely? I’ve been 100% mom for more than 11 years now, and I have at least 18 more to go. Most days, I’m totally cool with all that. I’m sure that once the novelty wore off, having my evenings free to work and sleep and watch TV would get old. Hell, the novelty might wear off tomorrow!
For the moment, I’m doing exactly what I was doing last Thursday night: watching E.R. while working on some websites. The only thing different, I guess, is that I won’t be waking up at 4, and 5, and 6 a.m. In the morning I’ll sleep in, eat sitting down, shower with the door closed, and put my makeup on with two hands. I’ll load the car with just my wallet, and work tomorrow all day with no children strapped to my back.
I have always needed solitude in order to function as a complete person. So does Michael. I’m lucky in that respect, to have married someone so similar to me. Hannah too- sometimes she spends hours in her room with a book or on the computer. A family of hermits. I wonder who Avery will be?
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