Tag Archives: “fivefingers”

couch to 5K, or how to torture yourself in the Florida summer

For the last month I’ve been slowly easing into a new sport, one which requires almost no equipment, an activity that I can jump into no matter where I am, as long as I have a half hour or so to devote. They call it “running” and evidently it’s been around for a while.

I’m using a program called “Couch to 5k” and an app to match, which lays the audio cues (ding! RUN! ding! WALK! ding! you are halfway done. ding! last run coming up! ding! cool down” on top of whatever you happen to play on the ipod. I tried to use a free mixer program to make my own custom playlist with the audio cues as a track on top so that I could use just a clip on ipod Shuffle like all the cool runners (the Iphone creates so much drag, ya’ll) but that was sort of a bust and I was in a hurry, so I took the hit, put the heavy iPhone in my pocket, and used my on the fly 36 minute playlist.

All was going well until I realized that Trip Like I Do somehow made it into the warmup spot, and that meant that right after Skin Storm began, the dreaded DING! RUN! and I want to just tell you, Morrissey crooning (“Deeeeeliiiiiight!
See our faces are both shining
And I’ve never felt so wanted
Than when you cling with arms and legs”)
about sweet lovely sex=not the best tempo to motivate me into a trot, out there on the hot pavement in the middle of the day (because I am a late sleeper and a dumbass). Also not recommended for the RUN section of your interval training: Boys Don’t Cry (The Cure)

I was moving in slow motion there for a few minutes, and then the Chemical Brothers came up in the playlist and I enjoyed a nice Chemical Brothers cool down walk. Obviously I need some practice in the playlist/audio cues department. Usually I just listen to an audio book, which I kind of like because I can never tell how much time has passed; since I know the minute count on all my music it’s easy listening to a music playlist to get caught up in how much fucking longer do I have to run. For instance, when Skin Storm came up, I knew I had about 2 minutes 40 seconds to get through, but this was a 5 minute run. So when I thought I might vomit and pass out and the song was not even over yet and, it seemed like a good idea to stop and catch my breath. Had I been listening to that Chuck Palahniuk book I just got, I’d have been too engrossed in the suicide prevention guy who convinces people to kill themselves to worry about silly bullshit like body temperature and oxygen levels and heart rates.

I complain; it’s my superpower. But I’ve been out there, three times a week, slogging away and running about as fast as my four year old walks, but running nonetheless. I’ve not experienced the runner’s high yet because I can’t yet catch my breath past the three to 5 minute mark, and it seems like maybe that’s not quite enough time in the air to kick off the endorphin rush.

I will say this: I love the idea of it. I love getting up, throwing on clothes and kicking out the front door to work out. It’s not the mountains, it’s not the desert rocks and canyons that made me so happy back in June. But it’s nature, dammit, and I’m into it.

If you could just get a message to my knees that it’s time to get with the fucking program and jump on board with the rest of me, that would be great.

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