But not eloquent.
I did not give up. Notyetnotyetnotyetnotyet-a chorus through my mind all night, while I smelled baby hair and touched the softest skin on the planet. This is my last baby, my last chance to make this work, and I owe myself a little more time. It’s what I want.
To that end, I declared myself incapacitated for social gatherings, for laundry, and for household chores. My only job right now, I said, is to lay around and nurse this child. It’s not forever, and the family can handle it. We can all pitch in. The toddler can spend quality time with me watching movies and snuggling, and she can get her outdoors play with other people. I can reach out for help and ask a friend to drive to pick up the breast pump. I can call a lactation consultant who does phone consults. I can let go of my perfectionism with regard to laundry and the household tasks, and let the people willing to take them on do things their way.
Thank you, internet. I feel loved and supported and I’m so grateful.