I’m beginning to equalize from the last few weeks. Shit is weird, y’all. But. Every morning and night I get to go out there and watch my baby koi playing in the resurrected pond. And sometimes I get to climb up into a lap and daydream about the Spanish moss and the crepe myrtle and rope swings. And if I squint just right I can see an old lady in a giant sun hat, clipping flowers to place into a mason jar at the supper table.
Last week: Robin Williams, Ferguson, this endless project. all of it- it all threw me pretty hard and I caught a taste of that old blanket of dark that used to be where I lived out my days.
My #highimpactgratitude today is for the temporary nature of those moments. I’m not scared today. Just for today,
I’m not afraid that I’ll go down there and never climb out.
Hey, friends? All day every single day, if I’m not at work, I am listening to an endless stream of chatter from the tiny humans in my orbit. Currently I have been listening to minecraft chatter for 12 straight hours (YES! WHILE I WAS SLEEPING, TOO. He kept coming in to wake me up and talk about minecraft because he couldn’t go to sleep BECAUSE MINECRAFT)
And drifting down the hall now is Katy Perry on repeat. and repeat. and repeat. If I go into that room, we will talk about hermit crabs. For one thousand hours infinity trillion.
So. That is why I don’t return your phone calls or answer your calls when my phone rings. If you have an urgent thing, by all means tell me in your message so that I will know to barricade myself in the bathroom where I might buy myself thirty-six seconds of focus before someone casually opens the door to chat me up because what’s the toilet matter when you REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO LOOK AT YOUR MINECRAFT HOUSE?
I am available to you! Via text, IM, or email! PLEASE contact me via text, IM or Email so that I can interact with an adult. But please don’t take it personally if I don’t want to voice talk to you because guys. You don’t want to have a conversation with someone who must interrupt you every fourteen seconds to field a question about the lifespan of hermit crabs or to look up a keyboard shortcut for minecraft.
On the days when I have no kids and a work night full of talking to people in my Server Costume? What about those days, you ask? Why can’t I just return all my phone calls on those days? Well because all my psychic talking to people energy goes into trying to compel people to leave me a 20% tip.
I love you all. I really do. Text me.
Love banished the other half of my heart
Terrified, my heart cried out into the darkness
Her small voice lost in the wind
She stood rooted to the ground at the end of the drive
Suffocating beneath the night sky
As a song of rage flowed between love and the knight
Plants, orphaned by their smashed pots gasped for breath beneath my tiny feet
I was a statue in the cold, anchored to the sagging boards of the porch.
An ocean rolled down the cheeks of my knight and then
I watched his retreating figure grow smaller
As he trudged, determined, down the drive
Through the weapons flung angrily to the ground by love
In my tattered nightgown I waited
Until larger he grew on the horizon
Cradling the other half of my heart
Stone turned to jelly as my legs scrambled for purchase;
I finally tumbled into the bed where carefully my knight had tucked my heart under the covers.
Kissed us both on the forehead and whispered, “apart? never!”
I’m going to start posting these little things here on the blog, and not just on facebook. I think it’s time to resurrect this old thing.
High impact gratitude: Some people call me naive, and it’s true that I tend to trust things and people probably more than some do, but I appreciate knowing that everything is really just going to be OK in the end. This helps me share, helps me move on from co-parenting conflicts, and helps me feel more connected to my community, and lessens my attachment to things. Everything is so impermanent. (…I tell myself, as I collect wet socks from the backyard where my kids have flung them in their excited haste to play in the mud)
I know that my life looks chaotic and messy and often shows a disregard for convention. It’s monumentally full of love and abundance, and I feel lucky every day that I have children who play in the dirt, friends who look past the clutter, and family who share freely and lovingly.