Last week the heavens moved, a beam of light shone down upon my daughter, and for the first time in …..ever, she had no restrictions and a reasonable curfew. I thought I was very clever, setting the curfew at 11 even though Michael fought tooth and nail to get it to 10. My flawless logic and thorough understanding of my child, though, knew that setting it at 11 with an hour penalty for breaking curfew would net us out goal of a 10 pm curfew.
So then she goes a whole week never breaking stride or curfew. All the sudden she grows up like 10 years. She’s offering to babysit, she’s getting up early, she’s doing her chores without complaint (my flawless plan includes a contingency clause related to yelling and chores) and generally proving my point that you have to show them what they will be missing in order to get them to care about losing it. This kid has been grounded about 80% of her life since the unfortunate incident with the rifle and the boyfriend and she really has no idea what life is like for a 15 1/2 year old. I decided it was time to give her a taste of that, and lo and behold, one behavior contract (I am not allowed to throw things anymore) and four soul sucking therapy sessions later, my daughter emerged!
Last night was night one of where-the-hell-is-she-I’m-going-to-kill-her. Here’s what’s different: this time, she was allowed to make a mistake, take the hit on the curfew for two nights, and gain the time back if she keeps the 10 pm. No grounding, no lectures, no interrogations. (Word to the wise: interrogation a) doesn’t work and b) when it does, nets information you really do not want inside your head and c) makes your kids think you’re an asshole.)
A few things I learned last night:
–I need a GPS phone for this child
–It’s OK to go ahead and sleep, set the alarm to “chime” and wake up for the lecture conversation. (will need to practice this hopefully never, but it’s in the arsenal)
–Their drama is just as real to them as ours was for us. It’s not appropriate to snicker, roll eyes, or sigh loudly while listening to a detailed recreation of said drama.
–Also inappropriate: relating to their story with a much more dramatic and sometimes incriminating one of your own
–Sometimes the best question is the one you don’t ask
So there you have it: 6 nights without breaking the new curfew, no yelling, no broken TVs, no eternal restriction. I’m calling it a win.