It truly does feel as if I’ve been wandering in the forest, or rather wading through tar through a dense thicket of underbrush, and now for the first time in months I’m seeing the sun. The fact is I’m chemically fucked up, and when the chemicals come back in line, the world is a different place for me.
There’s no telling what finally flipped the switch: after I came back from New Mexico, I began a full scale, multi-tiered attack on this..whatever this is. I want to call it a demon, but really it’s just a part of me. How can I hate a part of my own self? So. I love myself, every part of me. But I don’t have to indulge the parts that do me harm.
I came home from New Mexico defeated, hopeless, and exhausted. After I wallowed for a few days, I began my assault; I switched some medications around, quit sleeping pills cold turkey, began a regimen of essential fatty acids and vitamins, started working out daily, stopped drinking coffee except as a treat, stopped eating sugar, started eating meat for protein.
Since there’s no telling what made the difference for me, I guess I’ll have to keep doing it all.