well if you MUST know, and because I know ya'll never get tired of hearing about shit. Moni, click away!

Seriously, Moni and other pregnant people: warning. Puke danger alert.

—I’m home sitting down finally! Ahh, ass. How I’ve missed your cushion.

Today Henry (Melanie’s 4 year old) said to me “Summer, I like you here!”
two times!

Then the twins said “night night Summer!” when I put them down for a nap. Then Finn shit everywhere and got shit on the crib tent and pretty much all over the room. I didn’t actually see much of it, because I exercised my right to decline to clean the shitstorm. I left it for Mr Yasho. A fragrant mural of feces to greet him when he walked in the door tonight, like that wall of heat that sucks the breath from your body when you open the door in August in the deep south. I just grabbed Finn and several discarded shitty diapers, (how do they DO that? We put their diapers on backwards FFS! Note to self: never put Yasho children to bed without pants) held my breath and ran out of the room. Bram slept right through it all, at least I hope he did because I left him in there until his dad got home. Forgive me; I just couldn’t face that wing of the house again.

Good God, that child still smelled like feces after 45 minutes under running water in the tub. No wait, conservationists! It wasn’t ACTUALLY running water. Pretend running water. Not like we left the faucet on because the shit magnet screamed whenever we turned the water off, and we didn’t want the shit free sleeping twin to wake up and require us to cross the threshold of the Doo Doo Incense Factory. That’s not how it was. really.

Hi Dad! Welcome home! We baked you a shit cake, and the icing is on ALL our bed lines AND our crib tents! Want some black beans and rice?

God help me, I’m going back to Mel’s tomorrow but someone else is doing the early morning shift. Sweet. Early morning twin poop cleanup=avoided.

Worst idea ever: surprising Mel’s kids with disposable cameras. I can’t even begin to list the ways this was a bad idea. Start with flash wars, continue to ‘where are the pictures’, and move onto finite number of shots. Summer+coffee+quick whiz trip thorough CVS= stupid.

I’m wearing a pink velour track suit, hoodie jacket included. I look like a pepto caplet. A pink nightmare.