Last week my brother called me at 10 p.m. from about 500 feet away where he was sitting on his tailgate drinking Busch Light, to let me know that I’m entering into the most exciting time of my life-the Having Grady As a Neighbor Era. He’s an 18 year old man and my father’s son, so he didn’t tell me out loud to come over until just as he hung up the phone. “Well. You can come over if you want” he muttered offhandedly, and so I sprayed down with DEET-free bug repellent, grabbed my keys and headed out the door, just as headlights swept down the driveway-dad bringing the kids home.

Do you see where this is going? Yes. So I say to my dad “Hey, give me a ride next door, I’ll walk back”.

Here’s the breed of my dad’s sense of humor. We roll up, bright lights catching my brother and his new female friend cozy on the tailgate. Immediately I realize my fuckup and try to body block the evidence even as my brother towers over me slurring “You brought DAD up here? What have you done to me?”. And so I go “hey show me the house!” and turn back to my dad and say “hey, I’ll walk back it’s cool”

Dad (idling in the driveway, high beams still on): “what? the lights don’t work in there?”
Grady: We’re just out here, dad, the lights are fine
Me (standing between the high beams and the beers on the tailgate) “show me the inside!”
Dad (still idling, still high beams): Ya’ll need some light?
me (flashing keychain LED light) “no, we’re fine. we have light. see you later”
Dad (still idling, still high beams) —silence while we walk all the way up the driveway, up the steps and open the front door…

Grady (angry mutter) “what the HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME! I can’t believe you brought DAD up in here! You SUCK!”

And then we bonded over the time I was drunk in the yard surrounded by cider bottles when my dad brought the kids home and how I scrambled around the yard tossing bottles over the fence so he wouldn’t see them.

Here’s my brother today, plundering my yard, while my dad and I re-homed a black widow spider:

(waving around a Mike’s Hard Lemonade bottle)
“HEY! SUMMER! HAVEN’T YOU EVER HEARD OF A TRASH CAN? THESE BOTTLES ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE!”

And then he winked at me. Let the pranks begin.