It’s no secret that my husband and I differ fundamentally, philosophically, in our parenting styles. He’s usually right, technically. I suppose. I like to blame it on his German ancestry, and I speculate wildly about how punitive his childhood must have been. He wastes no time pointing out to me that whatever his parents did or didn’t do, he wasn’t the one addicted to drugs and suicidal as a teenager.

Blah, blah, blah. I didn’t run away when I was 15 because my dad bought me stereos and I didn’t get pregnant when I was 20 because all my cars were free until I was 20. Right? Is the fact that my husband had to get a job and save up for his own car, buy his first stereo with his allowance, wasn’t allowed out alone with friends until he was 24- is that why he was so straight and narrow?

I like to think his geekiness simply repelled shady people. On my loving days, I spin that thought into he was so moral and his convictions so strong and he lived in a town of endless amusement that was full of wholesome culture, so where was the need for destructive rebellion?

Or perhaps parenting has nothing to do with it: I am mentally ill, and he is not. I was sexually abused, and he was not.

But whatever, this is about the Ipod nano that we’re getting TeenHer for her graduation from middle school. Since M and I gifted ourselves Mp3 players early (mothers, fathers day/valentines/birthday presents for 2008- done and done.) my feeling was fuck it, she’s definitely going to graduate, give the thing to her early. There wasn’t even a debate. Just a resounding no, no, and no.

He believes it will mean more to her if she has to wait for it, earn it; and I do see his point. If (when) she loses the thing, I will be livid. I didn’t even pay for her palm pilot and when she broke it I saw red for weeks. I did give her our 40gig used Ipod full of songs, and I replaced the battery so that now it will play for 16 hours or something- but no video. And it’s a hand me down.

I know. When we were kids, walking uphill both ways in the snow to school, we were lucky to salvage an AM radio from the trash! We thanked the Lord Jesus if someone made us a mix tape of The Top 40 since we didn’t have an antenna for our stereo and couldn’t get the station! Where’s the gratitude! Where’s the love?

Here’s the thing: she does love it. She IS grateful. It’s me, internet. It’s me feeling like there’s something unfair about me getting my birthday/mothers/valentines day present months earlier, and her having to wait till graduation. It’s me, thirsting for the instant gratification that comes with giving your teenager a gift that will make you the coolest parents EVER. It’s me wanting us to be equals, not respecting the boundaries of parents and kids.

So I get it. He’s right, again. But now that this is out there, I’m losing my resolve:

Why can’t I just give her mine now, and have the snazzy pink one?

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