Well, it’s the Holiday season and you know what that means. (Dooce has a great post about this subject today. Read it, it’s better than mine.)
Except this year I’m medicating, and after a few dicey days of side effects (loss of appetite, oh no!), I caught myself saying “sure honey” when I saw my 3 year old pass me in the hall with a handful of fingernail polish, calling over her shoulder that it was time to do her nails.
As I sat on the floor of her bedroom playing legos I flashed back to yesterday, when we three danced in the kitchen to Morrissey, and I realized: It’s working.
Always a shock to me, that medication for depression works. This year I was on the fence about whether or not I was even depressed, I mean I’ve been getting out of bed every day and bathing almost as often. But because the arthritis is coming back and I remember how utterly depressing those months were for me, I made a decision to do a pre-emptive strike this year. Just in case.
What hit me today is this: Sometimes depression is having a fuse so short I’m resentful when my kid asks me for breakfast. Sometimes depression is screaming at my children when I haven’t had a chance to make my coffee yet because I had to change a diaper.
Chemical or no, when I look back on this Christmas I’ll remember dancing with my children, playing Legos on the floor of my daughter’s room, and beginning to see what all the fuss over Morrissey was about.
Re: the side effects. It’s like a Juice Fast only with coffee. And the occasional cookie. Yesterday, the mere mention of food made my mouth water and not in a good way, in a I’m-about-to-vomit kind of way. My dh cooked for me anyway, and I ate and the food was fine. I’m just- not hungry. That’s OK, really. I think things will even out (I will start eating, I’m sure) and maybe the compulsion to eat sugar will stay gone when my appetite comes back)
I’m with ya. If it weren’t for Wellbutrin, I’d still be pissed off at nothing in particular and looking for any excuse not to have to leave my house.
Right on.
Two morrissey references in one post. You’re slipping to the dark side. Robert is sure to be pissed.
Jesus Polymorphing Christ; I have a nasty history with several antidepressants but have been tossing around ideas for adding something with my shrink for a few months, and reading this leaves me a lot more open about what I’ll try.