Holy moly do all baby boys grab their balls like this? I mean, I thought it was just some kind of learned behavior, maybe kids watching too much Married With Children and hanging around too many wrestlers in high school. But dudes! This child, from as soon as he discovered his package, has gravitated toward his balls like geeks to the iphone. Given the chance he’ll grab himself repeatedly, hands spasmodically, eyes bright and curious and locked onto mine. Sometimes I think he’s watching my face for a reaction, waiting for me to purse my lips and cluck my disapproval. Today I was watching him, trying to run interference with a diaper wipe so that he wouldn’t get shit in his fingernails, and I could just see it: 15 years from now, I’m gonna be looking into this exact same expression. He’s going to look at me just like this while he flaunts an eyebrow piercing, or introduces me to his republican DAR girlfriend on the way to cotillion, or calls “what?” over his shoulder as he climbs aboard a motorcycle.

In the meantime, what do I do? Leave him naked so that he can explore his body? Shackle him before I change his diaper? Help him name it?