Fine! Great! Thanks for asking!
That’s what you want to hear, right? What you need to hear? When we ask “how are you?”, do we really want to know? It occurs to me lately that (and yes; I did an experiment) when asked “how are you?” most people will say “fine!” “Great!” or the slightly less enthusiastic “OK…”. That’s no surprise, of course. What I noticed though, was that if I wait a few beats, maybe let a lull fall over the conversation for a few minutes instead of hurrying to fill up my turn to talk- I get the rest. The “I’m fine!……..except for you know, I pulled my back out last week, and I have to get new glasses and today is my fourth day in a row with an upset stomach.”

(For my part, I usually add “but I’m mostly good! Better than 2 weeks ago!” to the end of my little diatribe of what’s wrong with me these days.)

Today I’m mulling over the things we say in casual conversation and how appropriate they really are. Do I REALLY want to know how you are, seriously? Do you need to know about my day to day trials with elimination diets, impaired mobility, my almost-addiction to painkillers? Does the clerk at the health food store truly need/want to hear how I REALLY am, when she asks?

I know, I know. It’s part of polite conversation. Is there an alternative, though? Is there some other way we can convey that we care? Without putting people in a position to either lie or look like whiners?

And also? Why do I feel the need to be truthful? When the clerk at the health food store asks me how I’m doing, she’s just being polite! I don’t have to tell her the truth, right? What’s worse? Lying, or piling your problems onto another person, often a stranger?