I may never leave the house again:

Dear employees at the new health food store:

1) No, hemp is not illegal- for eating. Yes, smoking and growing it for smoking is illegal. But the hemp YOU SELL AT YOUR STORE, for instance, the waffles, bread, and powder- not illegal.

2) It’s conscious, not conscience. (as in “I have to be more CONSCIOUS (NOT CONSCIENCE) of what I eat, because when I eat meat I look, like 4 months… like you! arent’ you… pregnant?”) which leads me to…

3) It is never, never, EVER OK to assume a person is pregnant and remark about it. Ever. You fucking dumbass.

That was yesterday. Today:

Dear owner of new consignment store:
1) your boob job was botched. You look ridiculous.

2) The correct response when you stick your foot in your mouth by saying “well! That’s going to be a tough little baby! Do you know what you’re having yet?” (I was picking up a changing table to load into the van) and are set straight “…Um, it was a boy. He was born six weeks ago” is “OH! I”M SO SORRY!”

NOT. I repeat, NOT:
“Really!? It looks like you have another one in there!”

and then? When I try to stay in the moment by replying “well, it’s the third kid that gets ya!”

just walk away.
Don’t tell me about your sister.
“Yeah! my sister has three. She’s HUGE! She’s having a hysterectomy this week!”

WTF?