Every day brings us closer to the new baby, and the new life of People with Lots of Kids. And yet, I have little to say. At first I thought it was important for me to keep a running commentary going on this pregnancy and the house and the months leading up to When Everything Changes (Again) but as I read over my last several posts I realize that all I can do right now is bitch, and that’s just not helping anyone and it’s also just not funny.

For those of you who wish I would update, or care how things are going- just assume that they suck. The pain is constant and I have never dreaded anything like I dread bedtime, when there is simply noplace to go, and I spend hours wishing I could take illegal narcotics to knock myself out. If the pain ever goes away, maybe I’ll be able to see my way clear and get past this writer’s block.

My whole life doesn’t suck; I am happy a fair amount of the time, to be honest. I just can’t seem to write that part.

In the meantime, I need a break. A break from feeling like I should come up with something witty to say; a break from the mothering boards I’m on where I just can’t bring myself to get involved in what’s happening with my friends; a break from cursing fucking dial up internet every single day for hours while I try, and usually fail, to do design work in spurts before I am required to get up from my chair and pace.

What kind of karma did I rack up to deserve gestational diabetes AND a pregnancy that requires that I am standing or walking for the entire second half? I don’t mean standing or walking for a few hours, Internet. I mean that unless I am standing or walking, I am in pain that brings tears to my eyes. Including bedtime. And the standing up for 14 hours a day brings with it a whole other set of shitty consequences. How the hell is this going to work at the very end? Well, shit. How the hell is this going to work NOW?

See? Nothing to do but bitch. So I’ll just turn this into a photo blog for a while, and go do my bitching elsewhere.