- 12:44 a.m. and I’m still up from the puff of inhaler I took at 8. But not able to take a full breath. I want to sleep so bad, but something compells me to continue to attempt a deep breath, which makes me cough and coughing hurts.
I hate hospitals and I don’t want to be in one, unless they have changed and now allow you to sleep sometimes. because sleeping would be nice. But I have to wonder: would they help me? What will fix this? I’m at the end of my rope, and it sucks because we’re so fucking close and I know, I just KNOW, that I’ll get relief when we’re out of this house. RIght now 5 to 7 days is simply too long. Is this just the exhaustion talking? I am worn the fuck out from struggling to breathe, and I secretly fear that I’m not even really struggling, and that if I went in asking for help they’d laugh me out of there and tell me to come back when I’m REALLY having problems. I mean I’m not gasping for air at this moment or anything. My throat just feels …. closed. And my chest feels like something heavy is sitting on it. I’m not like, dying from lack of oxygen or anything.
I’m just wimpy, is all. I’m just wimpy and panicky and feeling short of breath all the time makes me feel all anxious and freaked out.
