At this moment, in my own house, under my own roof, a 14-year-old boy has his arm wrapped around my daughter while they watch a movie. Although I can’t imagine a better circumstance for my child to be nestling into some guy’s armpit (in my house, in plain view of anyone who walks by), my stomach still turns each time I get a glimpse of them through the doorway. It doesn’t help that the kid looks so much like my younger cousin that when ToddlerA woke from her nap and barged in on them, instead of doing her usual mad dash for the safety of my arms like usual when she sees a stranger, she walked right up to the bed and called out “oh hi Jacob!”.
I called my friend: “Um, so there’s a boy here watching a movie with TeenHer. Is that wrong? He has his arm around her!”
“Better his arm around her in your house than his tongue down her throat at some other place where they sneak to be alone because it’s not kosher at your house” she replied. Then she asked if I’m going to put TeenHer on birth control.
That’s when the room started spinning, and I thought of that one day in 7th grade when my 8th grade boyfriend came over when I was home alone. Later that night, my BFF called me, incredulous: “oh my god! He’s telling everyone he fingered you!” (that guy later became a little league coach and would go down in little league history as being the biggest asshole on the baseball field. and that’s hard to do in a town like this one.)
This is how not slutty I was at age 12. I didn’t know what fingered meant. (i’m the girl who, weeks before, had been dumped by a guy because I wouldn’t french him before class) Once this romantic term was explained to me (eeeewwww!) I realized that not only is it dangerous to be alone with boys because eww they might put their fingers there! But also it’s dangerous to be alone with them because they are, on the whole, lying sacks of shit. Boys can’t be trusted, because if they don’t get what they want, they’ll make something up. If they DO get what they want, they’ll tell everyone. Basically, if you’re alone with a dude, the whole world will hear a soft porn story the next day featuring you, whether you allowed him to 1st base or over the bra under the shirt or into the pants over the panties or just got butt naked & fucked the guy.
See, I thought the rule was so archaic. My mom was such a bitch! They never let me do anything! They didn’t TRUST ME! And now I realize it has nothing to do with how much they trusted me. My poor parents were simply trying (and failing) to do what I will try (and fail) to do now: protect me.
There’s really nothing like having a 13 year old to bring back those excruciating days of old.