Project Sibling, Month 10:
This sucks
We are running out of money to spend on supplements and grapefruit juice and special teas.
I am running short on optimism.
Homeopathy is like reading a horoscope in 3 different papers. Every link I visit tells me a different solution for the same symptoms.
If I had known this would take so long, I would have started working out in March.
I feel like two people- the fired up Doula/relaxed, patient, present every day, enjoying her child and (lately) her home- and the middle aged woman whose body has failed her.
I almost want to believe in God so that I could mix this up a bit, alternate between accepting God’s Will for me and womdering why God is punishing me.
I have begged for help from at least one person who I had counted as an ally, and have been ignored. I am reaping the consequences of my standoffish nature, and it’s painful.
I trust no one, and therefore have decided the only course of action is to become a Doctor of Homeopathy so that I can treat myself. Don’t laugh, this is similar to what I did when our computer needed repair. See what I do for a living now?
“I almost want to believe in God so that I could mix this up a bit, alternate between accepting God’s Will for me and womdering why God is punishing me.”
I think there is a way of using this kind of idea to get yourself some peace, even without believing in a higher power. I can feel how badly you want this, and know how long you’ve been trying. I feel for you so much.