I can’t sleep. Doula training tomorrow, and I should really be sleeping, so that after, we can jump in the car and drive home. I keep saying to TeenHer. “If you were homeschooled, we could stay another day and hang out..” which is part of my “If you were homeschooled” series.
If you were homeschooled, you could wear whatever you wanted on your head (no scarves over her hair? give me a fucking break)
If you were homeschooled, you could sleep as late as you wanted
If you were homeschooled, we could travel anywhere!
She always shuts me down: “If I were homeschooled, you and I would hate each other”. “If I were homeschooled, we would fight every day.” “If I were homeschooled, you would have to adhere to some sort of schedule.”
That last one gets me every time.
Doula was boring today. I am already poking holes in everything that’s said. I am at once drawn to and amused by the womanly bond that they share. I’m pretty sure I’m just jealous because I’m not part of the club.
The thing is. There’s so much information out there! How can we know it all? How can we retain even part of it? How do we decide what’s true and what isn’t, and how is an instructor to sift through all this SHIT and decide what to teach?
That’s why I always look for the science. I know, I know. The Universe will tell me what to do. The universe will show me information and my divine force will highlight the Truth. Um, but I also want to see the science. This shit needs to make logical sense to me. It needs to pan out in the end, hold up under scrutiny. This is what made me fail geometry, by the way. Don’t expect me to just follow a rule and accept it as fact without some kind of proof! The proof will come in Calculus and Trig, they said. For now you just have to write this down and memorize it as fact.
I couldn’t do that, and in the end when it comes to education, unless I can look it up and see it corroborated, I don’t believe it to be absolute. Maybe that’s why Doula training is boring to me this time. Today was Breastfeeding day and we were told that because we are built to breastfeed, almost any woman can. And that of the people who are diagnosed with a milk deficiency, only 2% of them really have a physical deficiency. The rest are just suffering mentally. And the philosophy is that if we just “hold the space” for the new mother to find her own answers and “figure things out” that woman and her baby will do so.
Which, I’m sure works, 99% of the time. But. You know where I’m going with this. No need to elaborate. Perhaps I can sleep now.