It’s not a new feeling for me- I was always “different” and “quirky”. When I got past 8th grade people stopped wanting to beat me up over it but because I didn’t live in a place where “different” and “quirky” people had others like them to relate to, I still never became part of the crowd.

So it doesn’t surprise me every month when, at the mom’s group I am “part of”, no one talks to me except the people I happen to know outside the group. But it still stings to go there with my good friend who’s On The Inside, and be totally isolated unless she’s beside me. Like when you go to a party where you only know one person, and if you don’t stick close to them, people look at you like, what the fuck are you even DOING here, anyway?

So it’s not fun anymore; I’m not a GirlzNightOut sort of person, I have never been invited to the playgroup that was formed when several of us had babies the same month, and I don’t breastfeed and haven’t had a homebirth yet. I think I’ll skip it from now on. We decided maybe it would be fun to “go to the group” every month (leaving the children at home) and have the “group” meet in a bar for some frosty beverages.

I think that would be more my speed.